Family Guy

I had to put some funny sayings in Family Guy. I just love them so much! Specially Stewie and Glenn Quagmire.

• Stewie: Uh, there's a half-dead-fat-man eating a dead-fat-man...am I the only one who realized? Oh, okay.
• Lawyer: Peter, Sarah has decided to press sexual harrasssment charges against you.
  Peter: Sarah...Is that the one we video taped taking a dump?
• Peter: By the way Lois, I got a piercing over there. I'm not going to tell you where but I will give you a hint--it wasn't on my nose or my ear and it was one of my balls.
• Stewie: Did you hear that Meg? Guys can marry other guys now. So...this is awkward, but I mean, if they can do that, that is pretty much it for you, isn't it? I mean you as well pack it in. Game over.
• Peter: Hey hey I got an idea. Lets play "I Never." You got to drink if you did the thing that the person says they never did.
  Cleveland: Oh I got one, I never slept with a women with the lights on.
  (They all drink.)
  Joe: I'll go next, uh I never had sex with Cleveland's wife.
  (Quagmire and Cleveland drink.)
  Peter: alright lets see uh, I never did a chick in a Logan airport bathroom.
  (Only Quagmire drinks.)
  ****About 33 drinks later****
  Peter: God lets see what else is there um...I never gave a reach-around to a spider monkey while reciting the Pledge of Alligence.
  Quagmire: Oh God.
  (Quagmire takes a drink.)
  Joe: I uh I never picked up an illegal alien at Home Depot to take home a choke me while I touch myself.
  Quagmire: Oh come on!
  (Quagmire drinks again.)
  Peter: I never did the same thing except with someone from Joann Fabrics.
  Quagmire: Oh God this is ridiculous. You guys suck! (Drinks more and passes out.)
• Quagmire: Hey there sweetie, how old are you?
  Connie: 16.
  Quagmire: 18? You're first.
  Connie: Mom!
  Quagmire: I like where this is goin'! Giggidy, giggidy, gig-gi-dy!
• [Quagmire sees a cheerleader tied up in a bathroom stall]
  Quagmire: Dear diary: Jackpot.
• Brian: You're drunk.
  Stewie: You're sexy.
• Stewie: Well, I'd love to stay and chat, but you're a total bitch
• Peter: (Walks out of the bathroom and wanders into another room. He walks into the room and walks behind the bed. We find out that this is Chris' room.) Hey, you still awake, Lois honey? (Peter lays down into Chris' bed.)
  Chris: Dad?
  Peter: That's right, I'm your daddy. Shh, Shh, Shh, Shh. Don't talk, Lois, don't talk. Just let me do all the work. Yeah...now feel my warm breath on the nape of your neck. My hands on your big soft boobs...running down your big man-like chest. (Peter jumps up.) Holy crap, It's Chris!! Uhh...Uhh...So, uhh...How ya doin'? You do all your homework?
  Chris: (nods his head.)
  Peter: Finish all your subjects?
  Chris: Yes, sir.
  Peter: Good, just uhh, just checkin'. (Backs towards the door.) Have a good night son. (Walks down the hall.)
  Peter: You still awake honey?
  Stewie: What the deuce?